


i don’t wanna play anymore

by SnekyDoodle



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Angst, Hurt, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21678385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnekyDoodle/pseuds/SnekyDoodle
Summary: A take on Spinel’s thoughts and actions while atop that injector, right before Steven found his way into her broken heart.
Kudos: 43





	i don’t wanna play anymore

She did it again.

She hurt a friend. A friend, if that’s even what _he_ had planned on being in the first place. He had thrown her away like a _useless, broken down_ **_toy_** once she’d done what he wanted. Once she turned off her feared injector, once she remained docile and sane, once she..

was useless.

Useless. Such a stinging word, yet such a truthful one all the same. The pink gem’s brows furrowed, her hands clenching in fists tightly.

_Useless, not of use, not needed._

A lonely Spinel waiting in a garden. An injured gem wrecking havoc on a planet and people that didn’t even deserve it.

A creature made purely for entertainment among the ranks of warriors and knights, who’s mind had twisted and shifted into something darker than the coldest, darkest void throughout the deepest reaches of space.

How had she been so naive? Of course she was useless.

She was a Spinel, after all.

It became hard to ignore the heavy feeling growing in her chest, gathered beneath her gem, the darkness ever spilling so readily inside of her covered by the bright facets of a perfectly cut heart.

Sometimes, Spinel thought it might look nice with a cut down the middle.

But now, she pushed herself on with the thought it would look nice painted in a deep, dark red, rather than a bright, fuschia pink.

Or maybe it would look it’s best in shattered pieces lying scattered in a pool of crimson.

Spinel clenched her teeth, one hand moving to clasp around it’s glittering edges. A strike of hot rage flashed through her, the tight grip becoming a crushing, painful grasp, white pain going through her, yet she made no effort to loosen up her hold, and in fact only strained it even more.

It felt so cruel. It felt so agonizing. It felt so horrible.

But then again, didn’t everything at this point?

She had barely realized how fast and hard she was breathing, her hand slipping down meekly while attempting to regain any sense control of herself. Her hands were shaking, her body felt weak and small. When did she become so cold?

And when did she become so enraged?

And here her stupid self was going off again, about this planet, about those people, about Steven himself.

 _Steven_.

What a cruel joke his “ _friendship_ ” had been.

Turn off the injector, Spinel! Everything will go back to normal, Spinel!

Everything, just like _you_ getting out of this wretched place you’ve devastated.

Oh, oh stars had that _stung_. It stung like the hot end of a blade pressed to her chest, digging slowly past the delicate gem and into the damaged heart, filling her with false hope that maybe, just _maybe_ , she could have a new beginning in this place with new friends that love and cherish her more than Pink ever did.

But in the end, it had all turned out to be a sham. Just like Pink had been. Just like anything and everything she’d ever even known had been.

Spinel fell silent, the only sound for a while being her own unnecessary breathing, standing still in the middle of her injector.

Then she could hear the labored breathing and groans behind her, and it was obvious who had finally decided to join her pity party.

There was no more Mr. Nice Spinel anymore. No more fun and games. No more jokes and laughs at simple nags she’d pull out of the deepest pits of blue.

She could already hear him speaking his exasperated nonsense. About _talking it out,_ aboutbeing _passive_ through this whole ordeal.

No. That was gone, and she’d already made up her mind.

” _I don’t wanna **play**_ _anymore.._ ”


End file.
